


Old Friends

by Philosopher_of_fandoms



Category: K.A.R.D (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Emotional trauma if we're being honest, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Like two seconds of fluff tbh, M/M, Multi, One shot turned fic, Or for the gay stuff, Shitty summary just read it and see if you'll like it, Unrequited Love, You come here to cry, except j seph he's straight, gotta love him tho, its basically all of them being confused bisexuals, slightly suicidal thoughts??, the loser, this whole thing could be solved if they had a foursome tbh, unedited, where is my ao3 tag of the day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 18:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18078326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Philosopher_of_fandoms/pseuds/Philosopher_of_fandoms
Summary: It’s the beginning of another long year of college and this means, new friends, work and parties. But it also means old struggles, friends and memories come back. During a party in the beginning of the year, Jiwoo recollects her time and friendships.





	1. PART I

**PART I**

 

Jiwoo wasn’t quite sure how’d she gotten here. The pounding of the bass filled with the loud chatter and whoops of adults who may as well have been children filled her ears. The smell of alcohol and sweaty bodies surrounded her and left an itchy feeling on her scalp as she coolly observed the ongoers at the party.

The return of her third year left a bittersweet taste in her mouth. She remembered the chaotic bliss of her first and second year, filled with giggles, dorm rooms, all nighters and bubbly fun. It was interesting to view all of that now from an outsider’s perspective. Now she had her own small apartment thanks to her parent’s generosity after the disastrous end of her second year. She lived alone now, her life more filled with the sound of Netflix binge watching and the sounds of sex from her neighbours above her (much to her annoyance). Allnighters weren’t something she had to do anymore, her life solely dedicated to getting her degree, no more of a social life getting in her way. And bubbly fun… Bubbly fun had been replaced with a hollow sorrow and depressed days due to loneliness.

She sipped her drink slowly, watching the giggling froshes interact with the upperclassmen, the clinging of bodies as pairs tried to become one and frat boys did stunts more and more daring. She was glad for the drink, some horrible mix of vodka and juice. Whoever had tried to add a good flavour to the alcohol had failed but at least it was strong.

Her temple throbbed along to the pounding beat of the bass and she rubbed at it before refilling her cup of punch, moving through the crowd careful to avoid anyone too crazy. A benefit of going to a party mostly of froshes. No one knew her.

She made her way upstairs, going to the balcony only turning around at the sight of idiots jumping from it into the pool.

 _They’ll break their necks_ , she thought to herself, sighing.

She made her way to an empty bedroom. She looked around suddenly realizing in her drunken stupor that she knew this room. She’d been in it before. A name wandered lazily across her mind. _Matthew…_  She regretted thinking about him immediately.

The American boy who’d she’d spent so many nights with, talking about dreams, wishes, passions… she’d lost count of the secrets she’d said in the room. The secrets she’d been told.

_“Tell me a secret.”_

_Jiwoo arched an eyebrow at the sentence. “A secret? What sort of secret?”_

_Matthew had simply laughed, rolling on his back, lying on his bed. Jiwoo spun in the wheelie chair by his desk, humming in thought._   _“A secret,” she mused before grinning. “I hate tomatoes.”_

 _He scoffed and threw a pillow at her which she caught, laughing._   _“Some secret,” he scowled but his eyes twinkled with laughter. “Everyone knows you hate them. Tell me something you’ve never told anyone before.”_

_She chuckled and sighed. “Not making this easy for me Matt. I’m a pretty open person about myself. It’d be easier if you told me one about yourself.”_

_He’d simply rolled his eyes. “Well obviously I was gonna tell you one in exchange. That was the whole point of this activity.”_

_“Activity,” she mocked and laughed. “What is this camp?”_

_He’d up and spread his arms wide, jokingly. “Welcome to Camp Kappa.”_

_She tossed her head back and cackled at that, the sugar from the Coca Cola they’d been drinking still in her system._   _“Thanks counsellor,” she joked before taking a deep breath and thinking. “Hmm… a secret…” She bit her lip in thought. It didn’t have to be deep. Just something unknown. “I’ve always wanted to go to Italy,” she confessed. “I never told anyone though. My family- they think travel, especially to Europe is frivolous.”_

_“Hmmm.” Matthew had smirked, looking at her. “Guess I’ll have to take you to Italy then.”_

_“You?” She chuckled and picked up her empty can, hoping to get a few more drops of the drink. “Who says I’ll go with you?”_

_“Well, knowing that I’m a romantic at heart and going to Florida for spring break again will be boring why not go to Italy? See the greatness of the renaissance? Get decent gelato-”_   _He let out a slight groan of happiness at the thought and she snorted. It was no secret how Matthew had spent time in Europe vacationing when he was younger and had become enamoured with the food there. He’d swiftly declared desserts from anywhere else trash in comparison to what they made over there._

_“Isn’t gelato, gelato?” She asked him a slight smile on her face. He faced her, a look of mock hurt on his face._

_“Heathen. I’m going to have to show you what real gelato tastes like.”_

_She’d laughed again, bubbles of happiness in her chest. “M'kay. Take me next spring break. Now however,” her eyes sparkled at him. “You tell me a secret.”_

_He’d looked nervous at that. As if he’d hoped she’d forgotten of the secret he’d promised her. But he took a deep breath a glimpse of determination and trust filled his eyes as he looked at her._  
_“I like someone,” he confessed. “Not you. But- someone my family doesn’t approve of. Who they think isn’t my… type.”_

_It took a moment for her to understand what exactly he was saying. The shame in his eyes- her heart ached at the fear and pain in his eyes. At the humiliation. “Matthew,” she said softly. “There’s nothing wrong with liking guys.”_

_He nodded, slowly. “I know,” he said hoarsely. “I- I know that, I really do. It’s just my parents- They think there is. And I’m worried that my family will do the exact same thing to me as they did with my cousin, Bella.”_  
_His eyes were shining now and his face had contorted, trying not to cry. She got up slowly and sat beside him, gently rubbing his back._

_“I like girls, I really do,” he said quietly. “But I also like guys.”_

_“I know,” was all she said to him. “I know. And that’s okay.”_

_They’d sat there for a few minutes, just thinking quietly to themselves, not sure what to do next. Finally he took a deep breath and straightened himself. “I’ll take you to Italy.” He promised her. “Next spring break.”_

  
He wasn’t going to take her to Italy now, not after what had happened before summer. Now their secrets were out in the open and the thought of going to the small country of old beauty and gelato repelled her. Now the memories of them in this old room, close friends were ghosts that would haunt her every time she entered here.

With a sigh she went to the window and flung it open, grabbing her cup with her teeth and going onto the roof of the building. She sat, the sounds of the party quieter up here. She hummed, enjoying looking for the few stars visible due to the city lights. She didn’t realize someone else was here until a woman coughed behind her.

She turned and her eyes widened in recognition. “Somin,” the name was on her lips in a second.

The other female looked at her, face passive. “Hello Jiwoo.” She said and Jiwoo flinched at the tiny bit of ice in her tone. “I didn’t think you’d come to this.”

Jiwoo let out a sad chuckled and took another sip of her drink. “Yeah. Can you imagine?” She joked. “Me, going to a party? Yeah, no, absolutely not.”

“And yet, here you are.” Somin’s dark eyes watched her carefully, guarded. As if she wasn’t quite sure if Jiwoo was going to hug her or slap her.

Jiwoo swallowed, a ball in her throat. “And yet, here I am. Funny, how we’re forced to do things we don’t wanna do. Or maybe, deep down, we do wanna do them. Maybe we just refuse to accept how responsible for our actions we are.”

Somin flinched at the barb. “That wasn’t my-”

“You told his family.” Jiwoo cut in coldly.

“Was he kicked out from it?”

“No, they only hate him. And now he hates me. Did you see what his brother did to him? Do you know what type of stress he’s going through now Somin? Do you?”

“I didn’t think this would happen,” Somin choked out. “I never thought his parents would be like this. I-”

“What did you think Somin?!” Jiwoo hissed, turning. “Not everyone has humanities professors for their parents. Spoiler alert, lots of people have homophobes for parents!”

“I never told his parents-”

“You told his brother!” Jiwoo shouted. “What did you think was going to happen?” She was panting and a thousand feelings swirled in her. The other girl brought forth a terrible storm of hate, confusion, love and hurt in her and she tried not to show it. She panted, the drink suddenly not enough to calm her.

“I don’t want to fight Somin.” She said finally, her voice slowly becoming more steady. “I don’t want an apology. What I want is an explanation. A why.”

Somin’s eyes looked at her and they swirled with grief and regret. Once, Jiwoo had loved those eyes. Once those eyes had been the doors to a thousand lovely fairy tales that all ended with true love. Now the castles they’d promised were in ruins and the heroines were slaughtered.

“I can’t give you one,” Somin said finally, voice quivering. “I’m sorry Jiwoo. I don’t have one.”

Oh she had one and they both knew what it was. But if Somin didn’t have the guts to acknowledge it and accept her responsibility then that would be her error.  
Jiwoo simply turned, masking the hard disappointment she felt. “Then there’s no need to continue this conversation.” She said coldly. “Goodbye Somin.”

For a long time Somin was still. Jiwoo knew the girl was waiting for Jiwoo to turn back, to say something. But Jiwoo didn’t, staring out across the neighborhood, drink in hand, trying to drown her sorrows in her plastic, red cup.  
She ignored the quiet sniffles of the other girl, more interested in the bitterness of her drink. The city lights were far more entertaining than the sounds of footfall as the other girl made her way to the edge of the roof, eyes teary with guilt and grief.

To Somin, it was as if the stars and city lights had begun to blend together, making the difference between sky and ground almost impossible to see. Perhaps… all it would take was one little step and she could get away from this mess.

Jiwoo tried to ignore the footsteps of Somin, each one becoming more and more determined as the girl came closer to the end of the roof. How long till she’d be off it and Jiwoo would be left alone with peace? Five steps? Six?  
The roof was all there was between Somin and a great, consuming unknown. She was three steps away from flying off away from this place. Her feet moved one after the other. Closer, closer, closer. All that was left now was for her toes to tip her forward and she’d be hurtling through the air and away from the guilt-

“Somin.” Jiwoo’s voice was cool in the night, an infuriating calm. “Don’t fall on your way down.”

Somin’s face hardened at the words but she didn’t say anything. Any of her previous thoughts and whims gone. Instead swinging herself onto the porch she’d come from, re-entering the house.

_When Jiwoo first saw Somin she knew she’d never met anyone prettier. It was as if all the air from Jiwoo’s lungs had been smog that had been choking her her whole life and Somin had brought her to the forest or sea side where she could finally breathe freely._

_It was Matthew who’d introduced the two of them. It was Somin’s eyes that had drawn Jiwoo in. Those eyes seemed to be able to stare into Jiwoo’s soul and understand everything about it. One look into Somin’s eyes and Jiwoo felt compelled to reveal every detail about herself to the stunning girl. One look into those eyes and everything Jiwoo knew had fallen away for this girl._

_But there was more to Somin. Somin had possessed a sort of brilliant innocence to her that was so rare to find. All the naivety of youth was still awash on her face. All of her ideals were in place. She rallied hard for certain things, supporting arguments without actually realizing the terrible things she was naturally against existed in this world. It was that carefree innocence that Jiwoo had wanted to protect so hard and had brought forth their friendship._

_Jiwoo had lost count of the days spent together giggling, getting coffee or spending time in the comm garden, planting tomatoes even though she hated them because they were Somin’s favourite. She’d lost count of the nights spent watching movies, cuddling or leaving marks on each other with their mouths that bloomed like roses. But even the prettiest flowers died._  
_Jiwoo finally accepted their bouquet was wilting when she saw Kim Taehyung._

_Kim Taehyung or as he preferred to go by, J.seph, was beautiful in the classic sort of way. A mix of a flower boy’s beauty and the body of a greek god, Jiwoo wouldn’t have blamed Somin for falling in love with him. But Somin wasn’t in love with Kim Taehyung. Matthew was._

_Jiwoo had never met the famed J.seph but with the way Matthew went on about him she felt as if she could spot him from description alone. She’d delighted in the way Matthew went on about him, eyes lighting up at the mention of his name, the way his voice became softer when talking about the older boy. Yet she couldn’t help notice that the sweeter Matthew’s love became, the more Somin’s soured._

_“What’s wrong?” Jiwoo finally asked her one night. She rested her head on the other girl and tried to ignore how Somin tended slightly now at the touch._

_“It’s Matthew,” Somin said bitterly and began to strike Jiwoo’s hair as she usually did. “He’s always talking about that Joseph-”_

_“J.Seph,” Jiwoo corrected gently._

_“-J.seph dude. It’s starting to get on my nerves.”_

_Jiwoo laughed softly and looked up at her lover’s face. “We did the exact same to him about each other.”_

_“I know, it’s just, we’re more than friends. We’re dating. I don’t understand why Matthew would get so hyped about some third year who he barely knows when he’s straight. It’s annoying. If I have to hear about the amazing intelligence of someone who calls himself ‘J.seph’ one more time-” she let out a strangled noise of disgust._

_“Hmm,” Jiwoo hummed absentmindedly, not really caring if Matthew talked about J.seph or not. “It’s probably because Matthew isn’t straight and is in love with J.seph.”_

_Somin stilled at that and Jiwoo frowned, realizing what words had just slipped out of her mouth. Not that that should have mattered truthfully, who cared if Matthew was gay- well Bi._

  
_“What?” The other girl asked, fingers no longer moving._

_Jiwoo sighed and opened her eyes, looking at the other girl. “Matthew likes boys,” she said bluntly. “He told me himself.”_

_Somin frowned. “No, that’s not possible, he told me-” she stopped, face puzzled. “Why wouldn’t he tell me he wasn’t straight?”_

_Jiwoo shrugged. “Maybe he isn’t ready to come out yet. Some people find it a big deal. He knows people judge others.”_

_Somin laid there for a long time, lost in thought. “I wouldn’t judge him,” she finally said, voice quiet._

_Jiwoo let out a light laugh. “I know. But he probably wanted to come out in a special way. I may have ruined that for you, sorry.”_

_Somin’s fingers returned to gently stroking her head, lulling Jiwoo back to sleep. “I love you,” she said, as if trying to convince Jiwoo. In hindsight, it seemed that she was trying to convince herself more._

_“I know,” Jiwoo replied sleepily. “I love you too.”_

_But after that night a barrier had been put up. Soon their fighting was more frequent and an invisible gap widened, inch by inch. Their garden became neglected and was left to wilt, the ripened fruit now gone bad. Soon Somin stopped visiting Jiwoo’s dorm room and Jiwoo stopped visiting her’s. They drifted apart, still officially dating but now spending time with others, ignoring the other. Somin drew attention to herself_ au naturel _, people attracted to her like moths to flame. Jiwoo spent her time shyly smiling across the library to the beautiful eyes of a boy who smiled back._

_It was when Jiwoo finally met J.seph did she realize what was happening. That there was no going back. They were sitting at the cafe, Matthew introducing Somin and Jiwoo to J.seph and Jiwoo, with dawning horror, finally understood what she was seeing._

_She saw Matthew, looking lovestruck at the older boy, eyes bright and sweet. Saw the gentle touches that were just shy of being more than friendly. Saw the obvious pining and want to be more than just friends with the boy._  
_She saw Somin, looking at Matthew, hurt in her eyes. Saw the desperate attempts to mask her feelings and gain any sort of attention from him. Saw the bitter realization in her eyes that Matthew was too far in love with another person._

_And most terrifying of all she saw those beautiful eyes that belonged to the newcomer staring into hers, smiling at her. She knew those eyes. Seen them staring shyly across at her in the library week after week. Recognized the tilt of the head from weeks of peering at him over her computer, the rumpled shirt he wore._

_He shook her hand and she tried to ignore the jolt that went up her spine from his touch, a touch that made her skin feel as if it was water that rippled from a stone being tossed into it._

_“I don’t believe we’ve met before,” he said, his voice smooth and gentle. He smiled at her, one of interest and recognition. That smile brought forth a wave of euphoria and horror through her. “I’m Kim Taehyung but you can call me J.seph.”_

_And through the lovesick looks being tossed across the table, through the secretive smiles and broken hearts hidden within, Jiwoo suddenly realized that the beautiful garden that had been sown so many months ago was gone, the seeds of different affections planted in their place._


	2. PART II

**PART II**

 

_ It was when Jiwoo finally met J.seph did she realize what was happening. That there was no going back. They were sitting at the cafe, Matthew introducing Somin and Jiwoo to J.seph and Jiwoo, with dawning horror, finally understood what she was seeing. _

_ She saw Matthew, looking lovestruck at the older boy, eyes bright and sweet. Saw the gentle touches that were just shy of being more than friendly. Saw the obvious pining and want to be more than just friends with the boy.  _

_ She saw Somin, looking at Matthew, hurt in her eyes. Saw the desperate attempts to mask her feelings and gain any sort of attention from him. Saw the bitter realization in her eyes that Matthew was too far in love with another person. _

_ And most terrifying of all she saw those beautiful eyes that belonged to the newcomer staring into hers, smiling at her. She knew those eyes. Seen them staring shyly across at her in the library week after week. Recognized the tilt of the head from weeks of peering at him over her computer, the rumpled shirt he wore. _

_ He shook her hand and she tried to ignore the jolt that went up her spine from his touch, a touch that made her skin feel as if it was water that rippled from a stone being tossed into it. _

_ “I don’t believe we’ve met before,” he said, his voice smooth and gentle. He smiled at her, one of interest and recognition. That smile brought forth a wave of euphoria and horror through her. “I’m Kim Taehyung but you can call me J.seph.” _

_ And through the lovesick looks being tossed across the table, through the secretive smiles and broken hearts hidden within, Jiwoo suddenly realized that the beautiful garden that had been sown so many months ago was gone, the seeds of different affections planted in their place. _

Jiwoo tilted her cup back to take another sip only to find it was empty. With a tsk of annoyance she chucked it off the roof, not caring if it hit anyone.

Bitter, the taste in her mouth was bitter and it wasn’t because of the shit punch.

She sighed and slowly rose, feet wobbly. She focused on getting herself over the edge of the roof and swung herself back into Matthew’s room. Why was it that she was more aware than ever of his scent. If she could close her eyes she could practically see him-

The door swung open and two people stumbled in, grasping furiously at each other. She curled her lip slightly in disgust at the sight of them as they stopped when they noticed they were in her way.

“Get out,” one said flatly while the other clutched at their clothes. She practically dashed for the door, away from what was going to happen there and the old memories that lingered.

She made her way down the steps, the party still in full swing. The loud, pounding bass was incessant and her head ached from the sound combined with the alcohol. Her solution? More alcohol. Her feet moved on their own accord, closer to the punch bowl, going to serve herself.

Her cup dipped into the bowl and she stared at it’s contents and her reflection in the drink. Did she always look this exhausted? It was as if a wraith had taken her place, a ghost that lingered due to it’s past crimes.

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in the hot, sweaty air in order to ground herself. When she opened them again they stared into the eyes of yet another person she had known. She let out a soft sigh.

“Hello Tae,” she murmured.

Taehyung flinched slightly at her using his real name- she’d only used that name in their special moments. She gave him credit though for standing his ground.

“Hello Jiwoo,” he replied calmly. “I haven’t seen you in months. Everyone wondered where you’d disappeared to. Glad to see you’re back on the grid again.”

She tried not to cry at those words. At the controlled indifference in his tone. Achingly beautiful Taehyung, a table with fruit punch on it being all that separated them, and months of pain.

She let out a low, remorseful chuckle. “I never knew I had vanished off of it.”

Her senior’s eyes remained calm. They weren’t like Somin’s eyes, she’d always found. Somin’s eyes were intoxicating, a drug one loved, a remedy and a poison. Taehyung’s eyes… they were cool water bathed in moonlight and starlight. They seemed to shine with infinite youth and wisdom. But, she noticed, they were bagged just like hers. Perhaps not quite as infinitely youthful or wise as they usually appeared to be.

“You deleted all social media and blocked us,” he said softly. “Then disappeared to God knows where. No one knew Jiwoo.” A flash of hurt darted across those beautiful, tired eyes and his voice became quieter, impossible to hear because of the noise. Had she not been watching his lips, she would’ve missed his next words. “I didn’t know.”

She swallowed, that horrible ball of hurt seizing up her throat again. “I moved,” she said dumbly and felt a wave of self disgust come over her. An idiot could tell that, seeing as she no longer lived in the old, bare, white walled student dorms that reeked of chaos and instant noodles. “I have my own place now. My parents, they thought it would be good.”

Good for me to escape from the hellish state we were all in.

He was able to see what she was thinking and he sighed before nodding, rubbing his forehead resignedly. “Are you well rested for this year? Enjoying your studies?”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad to here. You were always good in class.” He looked down at the punch, her cup floating in it. “You never seem to realize how amazing you are Jiwoo.” His voice was tender now and he reached down to fish it out but she shook her head.

“Tae don’t.”

He looked up, confused. “Should I throw it out?”

She stared at him and a tiny butterfly of hope and pain and longing beat it’s wings inside her chest. With a deep breath she used her next words to gently grab onto that butterfly.

“Tae you’ve always been too good for me,” she murmured gently.

The butterfly rested, beating its wings gently, happily as she held onto it.

“You’re smart and kind, looking out for everyone… you’re easily one of the best things to ever happen to me.”

She chuckled sadly and wiped at her eyes, suddenly aware of the tears beginning to form. He looked at her, concerned and reached a hand out to brush away any tears that might fall. She leaned back and shook her head.

“But we’re not together.” Her next words were cold. “We’ll never be together.”

Her hands wrapped around that beautiful butterfly and she crushed it. Taehyung’s face crumpled at the words.

“I- I know that.”

She shook her head gently, eyes teary. “Then don’t talk to me, don’t treat me like we are. What happened, what we did, it wasn’t right. And it will never be right.” She ignored that pained look he gave her. It was that same lovesick look Matthew had given him so many times. No, it was the look Matthew had had when he had found out the truth about them. “I helped break my best friend’s heart with you. And for that reason this can’t happen again.”

“Jiwoo it’s been months,” he said quietly. “How long? How long until we can-”

“Never.” She made her voice like ice, honing her pain and anger into her words. “Understand that Taehyung. Even with what we had, we can never let what we had happen again? Do you understand?” Her voice crack and her face crumpled. “I’ve hurt Matthew enough already,” she whispered.

“And me?” Taehyung asked, hurt clear in those deep, dark eyes. “You haven’t hurt me enough?” His words were bitter and Jiwoo didn’t know how to respond. Instead she reached into the bowl and fetched the cup before turning and leaving to discard it.

“Goodbye J.Seph.” She said softly, brushing past him. J.seph didn’t follow her.

_ She had forced herself to remain distant that fateful lunch. When J.seph had asked questions she forced herself to be polite and kind but pointedly ignored those beautiful, small, knowing smiles he’d flash at her. As time passed, his enthusiasm drained slowly and she remembered how he’d deflated, thinking she hadn’t recognized him. But the nerve wracking ball of string that was slowly winding itself around her insides at the sight of him was a constant reminder to her that she did. And as the time passed she conversed with the others, well aware of how delicate the situation was. Well aware of the tension J.seph brought. _

_ And so she watched him. _

_ She must’ve come off colder that she intended to because Matthew had glanced worriedly at her face and when J.seph had gone to the bathroom he’d asked her and Somin their thoughts. Somin, to Jiwoo’s credit, had managed to keep a brave face on for Matthew, smiling and nodding. _

_ “God no Matt!” Somin had laughed and taken a dainty sip of her water, smile bright. “He’s amazing, a great person so far! Handsome, and he seems a little quiet but he’s polite and funny.” _

_ She’d flashed the older boy that signature, energetic smile of Somin’s that had people flock towards her usually but Jiwoo had noted there was a pained glimmer in Somin’s eyes that, had Jiwoo not been looking for, she would have missed. Jiwoo swallowed, suddenly more aware of just how far away emotionally her girlfriend was from her now. _

_ Matthew remained oblivious to it and Jiwoo wondered if she should be thankful that he was, or upset that he couldn’t see the obviousness of the situation. _

_ “That’s awesome to hear Minnie,” he grinned and used Somin’s nickname. “I- I really like him, he’s a nice fella.” He rubbed his palms nervously on his jeans and Jiwoo suddenly remembered how technically, she was the only one who knew about his sexuality. She reached forward and quietly sipped her iced tea, not meeting Somin’s eyes, which were glancing hesitantly towards her. She did notice how Somin’s fists clenched slightly at his words and her gut twisted. _

_ “Sorry, I’m back,” J.seph said, returning before anything else could be said. Jiwoo tried to ignore the elegance of his movements, sure and steady of his steps. He sat down, smiling at them all. “What did I miss?” _

_ “Nothing much bro,” Matthew said and grinned goofily at the other man. _

_ Jiwoo continued to sip her tea, well aware of how untrue that statement was. Her eyes met J.seph’s slowly and her eyebrows raised slightly as if to tell him that a lot more than “nothing” had happened. _

_ He stared at her for half a second, face neutral as he processed her expression. Then to her surprise he smirked and winked before looking away, a blush on his cheeks and a shy smile on his lips. _

_ She stared at him, suddenly blushing as well until Somin asked what was wrong, gently resting her hand on Jiwoo’s thighs. _

_ “What’s wrong baby?” She had crooned softly and Jiwoo had shaken her head before stammering out a quiet “Nothing” and blaming her face on the heat. _

_ J.seph had just continued to smile, acting as if nothing had happened. But Jiwoo had caught him glancing at her for the rest of the time. _

_ And so he watched her. _

_ After the meal was over, Somin had rushed out, apologizing, late for work. She then rushed away, the others watching her, Jiwoo straining to get a glimpse of her girlfriend’s expression. She realized with a sudden drop in her stomach that they no longer kissed each other goodbye and wondered if others around them noticed as well. _

_ “I should go as well,” she said to the boys. “I have a test coming up that I may have not studied for yet.” _

_ Mathew cringed. “Oof Jiwoo, good luck. You’ve got the hardest professor of the course.” _

_ “Don’t I know it,” Jiwoo grumbled and picked up her things, mood worsening. She tried not to be too self conscious in her movements, feeling J.seph’s heavy stare on her. “I’ve pretty much already accepted my doom and failure.” _

_ The boys chuckled at that and she gave a half hearted smile, slinging on her bag.  _

_ “You should study more,” J.seph said calmly, looking at her and she paused. “Try the library, it’s a good place to do so.” _

_ She looked at him and saw the glint of amusement in his eyes. She then let out a chuckle and nodded. “I already do so,” she said, looking him dead in the eyes in a sort of challenge. “Not that you would know that. But maybe I will later tonight.” _

_ He had just given a small tilt of his head while Matthew chuckled. “See you Jiwoo,” Matthew called as she left.  _

_ “See you Matt,” she said in response. “J.seph.” _

_ She headed down the sunny street, moving quickly past the store fronts and signs, enjoying the budding trees as spring slowly returned, bringing warmth back to the streets that were still recovering from winter’s cold kiss. She was surprised however when a few minutes later J.seph came jogging up beside her, panting lightly. She looked up at him, an odd twist in her chest, the feeling of butterflies and panic. “Yes?” She asked him and he fell in step with her, a shy smile on his face. “Why aren’t you with Matthew?” _

_ “I had to go,” he said in response, neck turning red in embarrassment. “I needed to do something urgent.” _

_ “Which was?” She asked, slowing down so he could catch his breath. She studied him, a slow tingle running its way up and down her spine, whispering sweet hopes into her nerves and spreading throughout her body. He gave her that small smile they had shared so many times at the library and ran a large, elegant hand through his dark hair. _

_ “I had to ask you if I’ll be seeing you later tonight. At the library.” He chuckled. “You said you need help? I can help you.” _

_ “Do you even have the same courses as me?” Jiwoo asked, raising an eyebrow and J.seph coughed awkwardly.  _

_ “Um… Well… Look at it this way, we could learn together?” _

_ She stared at him, deadpanned and he turned bright red. _

_ “I mean- Well- I figured because I-” _

_ Jiwoo stopped him with a laugh dancing away from her lips, an airy feeling soaring through her at his silliness. “Yeah,” She nodded, looking up into his eyes. “I get it and I will. We can learn together.” _

_ He had grinned at that, full out and Jiwoo was struck with how even the bright spring light couldn’t compare with his expression then. _

_ “That- That’s great!” He said, smiling foolishly, not bothering to hide how pleased he was. “See you then?” _

_ She opened her mouth to respond. but then stopped, a terrible weight tumbling to the bottom of her stomach and seemed to splash, disrupting any giddiness from before. What about Somin? Her girlfriend? Admittedly, her girlfriend who loved another but still… _

_ “Um, J.seph,” she said and his smile dropped slightly, worry showing on his face at her hesitance.  "I just wanted to make clear that… I have a girlfriend, Somin from before and…“ _

_ He looked a little surprised for a second before shrugging, that smile going back on his face in an instant. "I get it, it’s cool. I wasn’t really expecting anything anyway especially since we just met but you do seem really nice and I’d like to be friends. Besides, you need a study partner.” He chuckled and smirked playfully at that and she laughed, relaxing slightly, trying to ignore how internally she was screaming at herself for cutting off something before it had even began. _

_ “See you tonight then?” He asked her and she nodded.  _

_ “See you tonight.” _

_ They’d spent that night together in the library, going over Jiwoo’s textbook and making quiet jokes only to end up laughing loudly before getting told to quiet down repeatedly until they were thrown out. They had only shrugged and laughed, going to a café and spent the rest of the evening working there before walking around through a park until they knew they had to go home if they wanted any sleep. _

_ They spent countless amount of nights like that, laughing and helping each other with their work, giggling stupidly at the other’s jokes and becoming more and more comfortable together. Jiwoo didn’t even realize how close they were until Somin commented on it. It was on one of the rare nights that Jiwoo and Somin were having a stay at home date, watching movies and cuddling, trying to act like a proper couple. That was all their relationship was now, an attempt to show everyone how perfect they worked together, that they were alright for each other. _

_ “You’re always hanging out with that J.seph boy,” she had said absentmindedly, stroking Jiwoo’s hair and Jiwoo had frozen before shifting her head and looking at her girlfriend. _

_ “Am I?” She asked, heart pounding for some reason. She couldn’t help but feel as if she had been caught doing something terribly wrong. She searched Somin’s face for any sign of anger, trying to not show her anxiousness. _

_ If Somin was mad, she made no move to show it, only nodding her head slowly, eyes on the screen. “Mmhmm,” she said slowly, focusing on the film. “Practically every night, always studying with him. I hardly see you anymore. It’s why I’m glad we’re doing this.” She gave a soft smile. “At least I know you’re finally studying and improving your grades. However he’s helping you, it’s working. Just don’t let Matt know you’re the one who’s been stealing J.seph from him, he’s always complaining about how J.seph is never free.”  There it was again, that slight bitterness in Somin’s tone that she could never completely hide. Jiwoo couldn’t help but feel her heart drop at it. She shifted slightly, reaching for the popcorn. _

_ “I’m amazed he hasn’t asked J.seph out yet,” she murmured and Somin’s hand stopped, eyes staring at the movie but no longer paying attention at what was happening. She looked different in the blue light of the screen, Jiwoo noticed. More haggard, a different person. The lines of her face were suddenly more gaunt and narrow. _

_ “I wonder what’s keeping him,” Somin said and withdrew her hand from Jiwoo’s hair, also going to reach for some popcorn. “Then again, Matthew has always been shy about asking someone out.” _

_ “Who isn’t?” Jiwoo mumbled, remembering the weeks it took the gain the courage to first ask Somin on a date. “Rejection is always unappealing. We love to save face.” _

_ “Yes,” Somin said quietly and seemed to slump. “We’ll do anything to save face.” _

_ Including, Jiwoo thought, pretend that we’re still in love. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love our angst y'all.

**Author's Note:**

> Part two is written and shall be up soon. Leave your thoughts and suggestions! <3


End file.
